Changing the Game
by FandomDancer
Summary: Elmer knows he is letting starstruck Elvira slip through his fingers. Can he catch her before he loses her forever? An alternate ending to Buster Keaton's 'Free and Easy!
1. Part 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'Free and Easy' or any of the associated characters.**

 **Changing the Game**

 **Part I**

"Make it funny," the director had said. It "had to be funny." "Go out with a bang." "Make 'em roll in the aisles."

The phrases were not new; he had heard all of them before from an experience that no one knew (or would ever know) a thing about. Back then, it had been easy because no one had known it was him. Now, even with all the makeup, everyone knew Elmer Butts, manager of Elvira Plunkett and her film career, was standing center stage with the painted circus all around him singing their hearts out. They knew he was standing there...but none of them really saw him. Not even Ma Plunkett, who blinked when he lifted his head from her breast but otherwise made no motion.

He moved as if underwater, a slow and steady turn of his head as the final song progressed. He had a few moments to choose what his last laugh would be. It would be a door-opening gag that would thrust him into the world he had promised to give to Elvira. He had stolen that world from her without even trying, without even seeing that he was doing so, and she was punishing him in the worst way possible: by forgiving him for it. Now his eyes, filled with agony, slid to her and watched her move. Her perfect little hand touched her perfect little lips, puckered up in a perfect little kiss aimed just to Elmer's right. Against his will, he turned his head even more, his eyes now flicked with hate. Heinie...not Larry, not ever again...was staring now in Elvira's direction instead of the lovely woman whom he was supposed to be singing to. But Heinie could get away with that kind of behavior. He was the star. Every woman in the audience would just think he was staring at them.

The singing grew louder. Elmer turned away from Heinie, lifting his eyes to the lights above. He could step forward, try a simple cartwheel, turn it into a domino effect and take down everyone but Heinie and the woman, leaving them alone to be stared at. He could make a lunge at the beautiful woman hanging off of Heinie, sending the cast into a fit of attacks that would continue as the curtain dropped.

The moment came.

Elmer Butts didn't move.

Slowly, deliberately, he made his choice. He did nothing at all, save for closing his eyes and trying to leap out of his body, travel away from the final note of the song that was screaming in his chest. He tried to physically travel back in time to the scene of only moments before, but he could only watch it play before his eyes. Elvira spoke, calling herself the happiest woman in the world. Heinie spoke, insisting Elmer be his best man. But Elmer's main focus was on himself. He watched himself stand, cold and immovable as marble, his eyes radiating confusion, clearly drowning in the realization that his own bashfulness...no, his own _cowardice_...had led him down the path he had never wanted to travel and forced him to give up the one thing he wanted most.

He wasn't an actor. He had never been one. But over the course of filming the last few scenes of a movie he had somehow gotten sucked into, he had proven himself to be rubbery, animated, and flexible. The director had gone from wanting to kill him to announcing that there was a contract deal with his name on it, just so long as he did what he did one more time, just to make the film end with that bang. Elmer knew it could be the easiest thing he had ever done in his life. He had discovered that even though he was no actor, he had a natural ability, a klutzy grace, a hyperawareness of everything around him that gave him an incredible sense of when and how to make people laugh. He could fall and not get hurt. He could take a hit and show no bruise. He could move with purpose and music and respond to others onstage with a sense of timing that he had never known he had. He'd thought it was luck, not skill. He'd thought it was the gift given him for all the humiliation of the past weeks. He'd thought it was the doorway through which he could step and bring Elvira Plunkett with him, giving her her dream of marrying a movie star who thought she was the greatest creation to come to God's green earth.

Instead, he had all but handed her over to Heinie Swartz. Thinking back to a couple days ago, Elmer found himself wishing he would have shucked that corn a little faster and stuck it clean up Heinie's nose and out his eyes and ears and mouth, because there was no brain in there to stop him. Elvira wouldn't see those heartless eyes if they were covered in tassels. She wouldn't hear that slick voice conning her into marriage if Heinie had had corn sticking out of his mouth.

"No, no, no!" The screaming against his ears was just strong enough to draw his attention. He couldn't really make out the words that followed, but the strange, tingling feeling on his skin told him everything he needed to know. They were looking at him, the sad clown who was too much in character, and the director was angry. He still didn't move, nor did he open his eyes. Instead, he said the first thing that came to his mind, cutting the other man off. "I'm not an actor. I told you I wasn't an actor. Elvira's the actress. Elvira's the reason I'm here. Elvira's the only reason I have to be anywhere."

Then he was moving but it didn't feel like his feet were touching the ground. He never opened his eyes, feeling things pass by him with millimeters to spare. He could feel things catch on his legs and arms and he pulled himself free without bothering to look at what he was doing. That strange radar that seemed to emanate from his body and guide his sense of timing now led him from the warm, sweaty scent of the stage to the cooler but no better smelling outdoors.

"Elmer? Elmer, what's wrong? What happened in there? Elmer? Can you hear me?"

He opened his eyes finally to the sun rising before him. Elvira stood there, her golden hair glittering and her eyes wide and concerned. He blinked and looked down at her, awareness creeping into his stance and eyes. Moments ago felt like a dream now. Everything felt like a dream now. He could be asleep on the stage for all he knew.

"You have to tell me!" she pushed, and then she waved her hand. He didn't know who she was waving at and he didn't want to turn around. This moment right now was his and hers again and it wasn't right, what he wanted to say, wasn't right anymore, or proper, but damned if he was going to back down. He thought she had loved him and she didn't, and all that meant now was he had to come clean. He had to tell her what she was walking away from, even if she knew already and threw that in his face.

"Well, gee, Elvira," he began, then stopped, unsure of the words. She made him so unsure. That was part of why this was all happening. He stared at her for another second or two before giving his head a little shake and looked away, folding his hands behind his back. "You see, I...I couldn't be funny in there because of the bit."

"The bit?" She blinked confusedly.

"Yeah, the bit. That bit about smiling at the movie star. The one I told you."

She still looked confused. "Why would that make you not be funny?"

He took a deep breath and toed the ground, intent on making a little well. If he dug deep enough, he might get all the way to China by the end of all this. "Well see that wasn't supposed to be...that is, the man who's so bashful...I mean...what I mean to say is that it wasn't Heinie at all. In the bit."

"Heinie?"

"Yeah! Uh, I mean Larry!" This was a wonderful time to mix up the names. But he wasn't thinking through filters right now. Not right now.

"Oh, Elmer, you are such a gas!" she cheered, her beautiful face alight with laughter. "Heinie! What a ridiculous name! Now that is funny! Why couldn't you do that earlier?"

He had thought he could. He had thought he could do anything for her. But as it turned out, there was something he couldn't do for her.

He couldn't stay silent.

"Well here's the thing...see...Elvira...that smiling bit wasn't about Larry, it was about me."

The words fell into silence. Her perfect little eyebrows knit together and she tilted her head. "About you?"

Something in him brightened. He lifted his head. "Y-Yeah! About me! That guy I was talking about, well it wasn't Larry. I-It was me. I'm...I'm the b-bashful one and the...well I'm the guy who thinks the world of you and how...beautiful you are, and how swell and how much I wanted to tell you all this time but...I couldn't and then you went and smiled at him and...now it's all too late, I guess."

She stared at him. He didn't know what to expect or what she would say. He figured he wouldn't like whatever she said very much and he wanted that dullness to fill his head again, that echo of nothing he had had only a few moments ago onstage. But it wouldn't come. Instead, he heard the bright sound of footsteps approaching, and Elvira looked up, her eyes now wide.

"Elvira, what's wrong?" It was Heinie, and Elmer wanted to turn around and lay him out. But the moment was over, he had told her, and that was the end of it.

"I...I can't marry you."

"I know."

The exchange happened almost automatically, Elvira's voice saying those awful words and Elmer's coming back almost immediately as if to erase them from having even been said. But when he blinked again, he realized Elvira wasn't looking at him. She was looking at Heinie over his shoulder.

"What do you mean?" Heinie asked, his voice perplexed.

"I mean I can't marry you," Elvira repeated. "I...I can't marry you. I…I don't know. I don't know!" She stared at them both for another second, and then she spun on her heel and ran. Elmer started to take a step forward to chase her, his adrenaline exploding as the situation clarified around him, and a hand landed on his shoulder. Without missing a beat, Elmer spun, bringing his fist around with a sudden hard release of emotion. Heinie's nose cracked satisfyingly under the blow and the other man howled in pain.

Elmer didn't care. The dog could howl all he wanted.

He had to find Elvira.


	2. Part 2

**Changing the Game**

 **Part 2**

He found her in the garden. It was a set, of course, though really nothing seemed real in Tinseltown. Night was falling. It wasn't there yet but there was a darkness creeping over everything, making long shadows. She was collapsed on a bench, bent double, her arms crossed under her face, and her body was shaking in sobs. Elmer started to move towards her, and realized he was still in his costume. Frustrated, he started to pull it off. Something had to be real in these moments, something other than the pain he had obviously caused her. While running, chasing her as best he could for the past couple of minutes, he had listened to her words in his mind over and over and come to one conclusion: she had refused Heinie. She had said yes and then she had said no, and he was responsible for that. He had to tell her he was sorry, and let her say whatever it was she wanted back to him.

He scrubbed his face on the fabric, watching as the lines of white and black smeared onto the costume, and then tore off the arm sections. He couldn't go further...he couldn't have this conversation in his underclothes. But he could bare his arms so there would be something real exposed. And his feet...he kicked off the shoes and left it all in a pile. The whole costume would have to be washed before the next person wore it...Elmer didn't think he would be going back to that stage after whatever happened here.

He breathed into his hand and tried to smooth his hair for all the good it would do. Then, slowly, he approached her.

"Elvira."

She either didn't hear him or ignored him. Her sobs continued, her body spasming in random contortions, and Elmer pursed his lips, trying to back away from the wave of guilt and rage that filled him. He couldn't make her more upset, which meant he couldn't get more upset himself. He had to breathe.

"Elvira," he said again, his voice softer and gentler than he had expected it to be. He didn't stop to wonder about what he would say. He just thought it all, and it came out. "Elvira, I think...I think you're the prettiest girl in Gopher City. And-and...and not just because of that contest. I mean before the contest, I thought you were the prettiest girl in the whole town. I thought it last year at the Fourth of July celebration. I thought it when we were at the Christmas party too, remember? When ol' Doc Taylor had too much eggnog? I thought it at the ice cream social when we met all that time ago and I walked home Suzie Williams. Gee, Elvira, I wish I'd walked you home that day. I thought you'd never look at me and...well I guess it was a bad decision to walk another girl home but...but I never thought for a moment I could tell you how much I wanted to walk you home. And then I...did what I did there and nothin' ever came of that but I never stopped thinking about you. I...the chamber of commerce was very nice, they told me managing you was going to be a big job and I told them I could do it because...I'd do anything for you, Elvira. Anything. I'd be anything you wanted me to be and...well I might not be very good at it, but I would do it. I'm not a good actor. But if you wanted me to be a good actor I'd do it."

Elmer had no idea if his words were coming across because for some reason, he couldn't see her anymore. He kept blinking, wondering if it was raining, because everything was blurry. He put up a hand, but there was no wetness coming from the sky. He touched his face and that was wet. When he opened his mouth to speak again, nothing really came out because there was something in his throat stopping it. He coughed, a lot, and his legs folded gently under him. He sank down onto the bench beside her, not really even noticing that she had sat up and was looking at him. Not until she spoke.

"Oh, Elmer..."

He heard that and his head lifted. Her eyes were big and wet and her face red and blotchy and still she was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. He stared at her, wondering how many more times he would get to stare before it become inappropriate. He figured he would take all he could now, because it would all be over soon.

"Elmer, do you really mean all that?"

Something warm...her hands...grabbed his. He looked down at them and then back up at her, trying to put together what was happening. The answer to her question was obvious, though. He nodded, first slowly, then more vehemently. "Oh, absolutely, Elvira. Anything you asked. Anything at all."

She let out a sound, something between a laugh and a cry, and suddenly came at him. He almost dropped her, almost jumped up off of the bench, but for a moment it looked like she was going to fall and his instincts took over. He wrapped his arms around her as she did him and she pressed her face into his shirt almost painfully so. Elmer froze, not really understanding what was happening but acutely aware that she was distressed. He pulled her close and held her. She was shaking and sobbing in his arms again and he sighed, wishing now he could just take it all back. He could handle the pain himself. It wasn't fair of him to put it all on her.

"I'm sorry, Elvira," he murmured, trying to turn his head to look down at her and instead getting a mouthful of her hair. He inhaled her scent, his eyes fluttering closed, and sighed slowly and deeply. "I'm sorry I made you cry. It was the last thing I wanted to do. But I had to tell you, see, because you're going to marry Hei-Larry and I couldn't let you do that without tellin' you...well that I love you."

She pulled in a sharp breath and sat up straight. Elmer instinctively braced, well aware that he was breaking just about every rule in the book and therefore about to get slapped for it. But Elvira didn't move. She just stared at him. "Y-You love me?"

This wasn't the reaction he'd expected. None of this was going the way it should. In fact, it almost looked like it was going the last way he'd imagined. "I do! I do, I do, I do, I do!" He'd really only meant to say it once but he had the chance to speak and speak he did, turning his hands in hers to grasp her fingers and lean forward, staring into her eyes. "I do, Elvira, I do."

The smile on her face changed Elmer's entire outlook on life. She flung her arms around him again and again he did the same to her, except instead of holding her shoulders he pressed both hands to her face and pulled her mouth to his in a deep, emotional kiss that left both of them shaking. He stared down into her eyes for a moment before pulling her back to him and resting his cheek on her sweet-smelling hair. He closed his eyes, almost unable to believe what was happening, and now very desperate to believe this wasn't a dream and that he wasn't asleep on the stage. He tried to casually stomp on his own foot just to make sure, but missed and hit the ground hard. The pain was enough to bring tears to his eyes but he sniffed them back.

"I'm not going to marry Larry," Elvira said.

Elmer managed to keep enough composure to look down at her. "Well what about me then?" he asked, barely thinking about the words. He couldn't think about them or he would lose his composure all over again.

"What about you?"

"Well...if you're not going to marry Larry, then why don't you marry me?"

Her eyes lifted to his. "Do you really mean that!?"

Elmer blinked. "Well I thought it was obvious, what with me tellin' you how much I love you and kissin' you and..." He trailed off and then nodded. "Yeah, I mean it. I mean more than anything in the world. I'd be the happiest man if you'd marry me, Elvira."

She smiled again and nodded vigorously. "Then I'm still the happiest woman in the world, because I'm getting married to you, Elmer!"

Elmer felt something like a laugh come out, and he let go of her long enough to touch his mouth and feel the smile that was stretching across his face. She didn't let him do that for long, grabbing his hand and pulling him down for another kiss that seemed to go on forever.

Which was all just fine, as far as Elmer was concerned.


End file.
